Tuesday, July 17, 2007
The Life Of Others
My Parents who wants to achieve through me or My Rickshaw man who was porting me to school in a dock full of kids who like me do not know WHY they are going to school or My Teachers who tried to share their knowledge and IDEA on me or My Friends with whom I am allowed to share everything or My the company who profits marginally where I am working for or My Carpenter who is working downstairs who needs me to buy a 1 1/4 inch screws for the shelf he is working on.
There is a command in Linux [i can think of anything else] called "touch," whose purpose is to either create a new file or change the time stamp of the file. All the people I mentioned above have done the same thing to me. They have made a new beginning or been responsible in taking some decision FOR me. I have also done the same to them.
As a three year old you are not expected to change the world with a stick in your hand, everyone does not get admission in Howard’s you need to be someone special like Potter. Your decisions are taken by Parents. Their decisions are based on their will and dreams. The have the right to decide whatever they fell is good for you. All you have to do is WAIT till they take the decision. Am I living their Life?
As a six year old you are not expected to get a 250CC bike to drive to school and back home. You are supposed to take a rickshaw to the school [most likely]. The Rickshaw man becomes your life saver on the streets where vehicles move at 40kmph and it feels as if everybody is trying to run over you. You have to get up from your bed before him, have a bath before him [even if you do not like to], eat before him [eventually likely to have] and be ready in fully ironed starched uniform and WAIT till he decides to pick you up for school. Was I living his Life?
You spend most of your life [life with out sorrow] not with your parents or your girlfriend but with teachers. Twenty long years 8am to 4pm, day-in-day-out, you need to watch them, listen to them, obey them, respect them, stand with them, sit with them, eat with them, have fun with them and sometimes fun of them. They had become an internal part of your life for 1/3 of your life of them. To an extent, if you want to drink water or pee you need to WAIT for their decision to excuse you. Was I living their Life?
When we almost think we can make decision on our own, we fall into a trap called work [which is also your decision]. There is nothing much to say after that, all most all decision that follows in life are made in a way to ADJUST with respect to the work we do. The priority changes [as it always has been] to the company decision then your personal desire. You are supposed to WAIT till they decide what things are good or bad. Am I living their Life?
Friends, they are for ever. As two persons we do not expect mutually anything from each of other for the rest of our life. They are the sewage where we dispose all that’s in our mind. Sometimes they affect/influence your decision in some stage of life. It’s true that we do not WAIT on them as they are always there to help or to trouble. Am I living their Life?
My carpenter is just an idiom for the people who we meet in daily life for a brief period of time. The old woman who needs help in crossing the road, someone who needs help in reading what number bus is coming, beggar to whom you drop money, the canteen boy who serves food for you, many more. We both WAIT on each others decision. Am I living their Life?
We are directly or indirectly linked to one another. If one person does not exist then the other becomes meaningless. It does not matter whether you agree or not, but even if you remove one person from your life you might know how your life could have turned. Its will be very interesting to see our life on a DVD with options to delete and include characters. It seems funny to me, that I have not taken a decision knowingly or unknowingly which might not affect others life. It’s true that we live others life. We sometimes are happy about it, sometimes sad about it, sometimes rejoice but most of the time cherish the moments and memories.
Life has become a waiting game, but that’s what makes it interesting. I am happy to live others life, which will include me as someone out there will be living for me. That leaves me to ENVY who live/lived their life for others,
Saturday, July 14, 2007
I Do Not Need The Appraisal
~:VOL 0 Reaction:~
Are you nuts?
Whats wrong with you?
Insane.
Stupid.
Vennai. Loosu.
my friends and well wishers reacted when I told them the subject.
The most important question among them was "WHY?" which many did not ask.
~:VOL I Questions:~
Why should some one get an appraisal?
When should some one get an appraisal?
Why should it be repeated every year?
What do you want to do next?
My question was something different from all the above.
From whose angle should it based or biased upon?
Is it necessary to have it every year?
Did I say I do not "want" appraisal? I said I do not "need" appraisal.
~:VOL II Story:~
Void
A company hires people having some specific plans in their mind for them and they spend (their salary) on them according to it. Some people who have achieved this status because of their hard work and commitment tend to loose it at some stage of the life. They are still getting paid for the work which they are supposed to do and not what they do. They also get a sheet of paper at the end of one year term for apraisal. Without raising the eye brow they do fill it will ease. They might not mean every word in it cause that how the system works until now. If hey sit back and think what they have done in over the year for the company and for them selfess they might not even have to touch the pen for a appraisal.
Namesake
There are few people who work for namesake. This might me due to many reasons. Every body might have a valid story behind them to support thier decision. They will fill the appraisal for the fact that they have spent their man power which is worth a appraisal.
Proud
There are few people who feel proud of what they do and they wait for filling the appraisal which they deserve.
Me
I am not able to classify my self in any of the above. Its not that I do not know, bu the fact that I am able to place myself in all these positions. Even though I fell proud of what I have done in the past with respect to the profile I hold, I feel as if its for namesake. Though I do not waste time or avoid work I can not convince myself in filling the form, for the fact that I am not proud of what I am doing RIGHT NOW or where the work is leading might not be what I really want to do continue.
Desire
It not that I do not know that I am not proud of what I am doing, but you might not get what you always want in life. You need to balance and compromise between what you desire for and what you really need. What do I want then? is not in VOL I because that will result in a different answer, eventhough it indirectly contributes to the subject. Let me say why I do not want to answer this right now. In life (i am being general here, because even you might agree with me here) we are always presented with a choices to choose. We make decision depending on the current decision and also taking a small leap into future of how this decision will affect the things ahead. Between desire and need I am choosing "need" at this point (as I have done all along) because I am still not at the liberty of choosing my desire.
Need
Money? Definitely Not. (period)
This word is in-appropriate to this topic because I am writing this whole thing for saying I do not need this more. In reality I am so badly need of money for various reasons, but I am still happy with what I have.
Happiness? Yes. (period)
How do I measure happiness? is another story. But, the bottom line is I need to be happy with what I do.
~:VOL III Answers:~
I may not or do not want to answers all the questions but let me explain the important ones. Appraisal should be given to the people who deserve it. This should be viewed both from the employee and employer point of view. The employer should not wait for the year end or the employee should have patience to wait for more than a year. The system should be more practical in rewarding the efforts a employee puts in at every given point of time. In this way you might over come the situation or scenario where employee leave the organization after the appraisal.
~:VOL IV The End:~
Even though I do not want money now, in the past few weeks I have come across people who are really in bad shape because of money. Sometimes you want somethings very badly but they keep moving away from you on every step you move closer to them. The ones you want to get rid of might follow you to death. May be Newton was right in his 3rd law.
Even though you have all the right to decide what you want, does it really matter that you need to make a decision on every stage of life what you want to do in the future. These decision taken are influenced by the things that happen around you. You might want to say what you like, but thats not always what is expected from you. There are some rules or let me call it superstition (because now I might not want to agree or follow those) that are followed, when you even think to break it PEOPLE EITHER THINK YOU ARE A GENIUS OR INSANE. This has happen in the past to Galileo when he said the earth goes round the sun wen it was believed that sun goes round the earth, to me when I said the "subject" and it looks like this trend will continue for ever. That brings me with only two perfect word to conclude, no not "The End" its
move ALONG.
